Pause. Breathe. Choose. by Naz Beheshti

Author:Naz Beheshti
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: New World Library
Published: 2020-12-09T00:00:00+00:00

Hitting the Reset Button

In other words, put simply, I chose to hit the reset button.

Similar to a mindful self-check-in (see “Mindful Self-Check-Ins: Be Present to Stress,” pages 96–98), this is a tool to avoid rumination: repetitively playing a problem or regret in your mind like a film reel. Psychologists find that we are more vulnerable to stress and anxiety when we ruminate about the past or worry about the future, neither of which we can control.

I helped my client Jessica deal with situations she found overwhelming by having her visualize a reset button. As an executive for a global Fortune 500 company with a heavy travel schedule, Jessica often felt a lack of control.

Tailoring Pause. Breathe. Choose. for her, I had her imagine a reset button at the center of her palm with a direct connection to her brain. When she needed to quiet negative chatter, she would hold her palm in front of her and press the imaginary Pause. Breathe. Choose. button. At the same time, I told her to do a companion breathing exercise: She would take three breaths and visualize a colored number synchronized with each breath. First, a red 1 to stop the negative thoughts, then a blue 2 to breathe calmly and reset, and finally a green 3 to choose a better mindset.

Afterward, Jessica was able to reengage with the situation in a more mindful, positive way by accepting what she could not control and focusing productively on what she could control.

This is just one of many ways to quiet the primitive part of our brain, the amygdala, that generates a fear-based response to stress. Some call this region our “lizard” brain. It is fully developed at the age of two, and a big part of our maturation process from childhood through early adulthood is allowing the rest of our brain to catch up so that our primitive brain does not dominate our decision-making. When a person consumed by anxiety and fear starts spiraling emotionally over the smallest matter, we could describe them as acting like a toddler. It would not be far from the truth. Just as we might distract a two-year-old instead of trying to reason with them, distracting our primitive brains amid stress is often the best strategy. Once we have quieted that primitive brain, our creative intelligence can kick in and focus clearly on solutions.

When working with Jake — who would lose control of his anger when speaking with his ex-wife — I had him pause, take a deep breath, and internally repeat a mantra (not this, not this) to interrupt his rage in the moment. This technique helped him choose to respond calmly and rationally. Letting go of his anger allowed him to process his grief over his divorce without holding on to or ruminating about the past. Eventually, he arrived at a place of forgiveness.

Another approach is to imagine you are holding a TV remote control. When you feel fearful, angry, or frustrated, or when you start judging yourself or others, hit the pause button.

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